| That's just fucked up... |
[Dec. 15th, 2006|12:05 am] |
On the twelfth day of Christmas,  mr_mindless sent to me... Twelve suomifrikkis sailing Eleven kovarik_dudes wheeling Ten ultramans a-building Nine gps biking Eight ramchargers a-kayaking Seven dakotas a-welding Six macs a-driving Five co-o-o-omputers Four trucks Three gis Two powerbooks ...and a macintosh in a alaindan. |
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| Damn Forgetful... |
[Dec. 13th, 2006|10:29 am] |
I'm way too good at forgetting my cell phone and headset at home.
I have notes written on my door. And still managed to forget them today. Grr. |
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| That One Little Thing... |
[Nov. 22nd, 2006|06:35 pm] |
| [ | Current Location |
| | Henrietta, NY | ] |
| [ | mood |
| |  Always the same it seems | ] |
I really wish there was a way to un-read that little comment that you wish you'd never seen, or un-hear that comment you wish had never been uttered. I want more control over forgetting because the more I wish I'd never known something the harder it sticks.
Sigh.
Oh yeah, and happy thanksgiving and stuff too.... |
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| Not what I was expecting |
[Nov. 19th, 2006|05:17 pm] |
The Carnal Lover
40% partner focus, 57% aggressiveness, 60% adventurousness
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Based on the results of this test, it is highly likely that:
You prefer your romance and love to wild and daring rather than typical or boring, you would rather pursue than be pursued and, when it comes to physical love, you concentrate more on enjoying the experience rather than worrying about your performance.
This places you in the Lover Style of: The Carnal Lover.
The Carnal Lover is a wonderful Lover Style, though it is often confused with terms like "player" or even "slut." The Carnal Lover is not necessarily either of those things (though sometimes is) but is instead a lover of life, romance and pleasure. The Carnal Lover is a treasure to find, though can sometimes be difficult to keep happy once found, because a Carnal Lover often loves a variety-filled life.
In terms of physical love, the Carnal Lover tends to be dynamic and driven, and can therefore be quite pleasurable. Given the right motivation, and the right lover, the Carnal Lover can be a delight in bed.
Best Compatibility can probably be found with: The Surprising Lover (most of all) or the Devoted Lover, or the Liberated Lover.
Congratulations!
If you enjoyed this test, I would love the feedback! Also, you might want to check out some of my other tests if you're interested in the following:
Nerds, Geeks & Dorks
Professional Wrestling
Buffy the Vampire Slayer
America/Politics
Thanks Again! -- THE LOVER STYLE PROFILE TEST
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My test tracked 3 variables How you compared to other people your age and gender: | You scored higher than 99% on partner focus | | You scored higher than 99% on aggressiveness | | You scored higher than 99% on adventurousness |
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| Yeah I'll definitely buy that. |
[Nov. 16th, 2006|11:14 pm] |
| [ | Current Location |
| | Livonia, NY | ] |
| [ | mood |
| |  pensive | ] |
| [ | music |
| | OK Go - Here It Goes Again | ] |
You are The Tower
Ambition, fighting, war, courage. Destruction, danger, fall, ruin.
The Tower represents war, destruction, but also spiritual renewal. Plans are disrupted. Your views and ideas will change as a result.
The Tower is a card about war, a war between the structures of lies and the lightning flash of truth. The Tower stands for "false concepts and institutions that we take for real." You have been shaken up; blinded by a shocking revelation. It sometimes takes that to see a truth that one refuses to see. Or to bring down beliefs that are so well constructed. What's most important to remember is that the tearing down of this structure, however painful, makes room for something new to be built.
What Tarot Card are You?
Take the Test to Find Out. |
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| Dvorak |
[Nov. 15th, 2006|01:27 pm] |
I decided to "switch"
in the short term I'm frm 45wpm to an uncertaim 8-12. Painfully frustrating.
I'll re-val in a week and see if I'll keep going. Swapped all my keyboards yesterday... |
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| this was ammusing enough to answer 13 questions |
[Nov. 3rd, 2006|07:54 pm] |
| What American accent do you have? Your Result: The Inland North You may think you speak "Standard English straight out of the dictionary" but when you step away from the Great Lakes you get asked annoying questions like "Are you from Wisconsin?" or "Are you from Chicago?" Chances are you call carbonated drinks "pop." | | The Midland | | | The Northeast | | | Philadelphia | | | The South | | | The West | | | Boston | | | North Central | | What American accent do you have?
Take More Quizzes |
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| Wow, I'm back.... |
[Oct. 11th, 2006|02:06 am] |
just got cable and internet installed at home today. Took over 2 hours, had trouble with cable box, modem, splitter and a couple fittings. If I didn't know a thing or two myself to help out it probably would have been 3 hours, or wouldn't have gotten finished today.
I should fill in that I've moved, pics will be posted later.
Mostly settled in now after just under a month, but lots of work still to be done, and lots of catch up to do here. |
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| TDIFest and Other Things |
[Sep. 4th, 2006|07:34 pm] |
Went to TDIFest in King of Prussia, PA this weekend. Met some really awesome people, one real immature flake, and learned a holy hell of a lot about my car, and the TDIs that have come before and since.
Drooled over a couple cars that have had 6sp manuals swapped in place of the 5sp, and really drooled over a B5.5 Passat that started life as a gasser 4Motion, and had a V6 TDI and 6sp manual trans imported and implanted. Extremely well done swap (it's a factory arrangement, so no *real* challenge to do well, but notable to do at all), and very nice car.
Picked up a short shifter for my car after trying on out in another car, I didn't have any tools with to install it but the seller (Dieselgeek) offered and I took him up on it. Three people promptly bought one after trying it out in my car. Damn word of mouth works fast :-)
Also got a set of injector nozzles that I hadn't planned on getting at the closing banquet auction (vendors donated stuff; was auctioned off to help support TDI Club) for a bit over half of retail. Not putting those in right away, need some extra instrumentation and a bigger clutch first. *Really* hard to resist putting them in right now though!
Only other notable notables are related to having told Erin about some of what Keith said Thursday night, after finding out that she had a dream about him breaking up with her. Ended up sort of forcing the conversation between then to happen - not something I'd been thinking I'd be involved with in any way shape or form. I guess things are rocky but there's hope for working it out... At this point, "whatever."
Unrelated to that (well, mostly), also just had a long conversation with her on the phone and found out some of her perspective on the whole big long story. Very good thing since I now am starting to see at least some of my own faults from back before I was looking at the whole world from both sides. Helpful. |
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| some closure of sorts? |
[Sep. 1st, 2006|12:45 am] |
| [ | Current Location |
| | Bristol, NY | ] |
| [ | mood |
| | Ecstatic/Accomplished - oddly. | ] |
Talked with Keith. really, actually talked. I started it. It started standoffish and accusatory. It ended talking like two friends who have not been talking for the last few weeks. Also found out reasoning for his fury at finding out the Erin and I had sex: in his mind, she was *not* single at the time. She had asked him if it was alright if she had sex with other people, he never answered because he thought it was a sarcastic question, and "hoped she'd do 'the right thing'" - well she did, if I was 'the right thing', and when he found out about this is when the shit between the three of us started rolling downhill with unstoppable force.
Perceptions changed, news learned, apologies made (though no forgiveness granted...), commiseration accomplished.
We agree that all three of us have made horrible mistakes, and there is no easy way out.
It went a lot different than I expected. What I didn't know made what he's done seem far more reasonable. And as usual, actually talking things through makes all parties feel far more human. I couldn't be happier that I didn't wait to have this conversation. |
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| More Stuff |
[Aug. 30th, 2006|10:08 pm] |
New tires and fresh alignment on the Jetta today. fronts were BALD (61,000 miles today, bought with new tires at 24,000 in January - yes, 8 months and 10 or so days ago and 37,000 miles), rears were at about 30%. was also running the spare since I put a nail in one of the fronts last week.
Feeling much better about car stuff. Trunk latch getting fixed tomorrow (tunk latches are suppose to, you know, latch. mine doesn't as of getting my suitcase out of my trunk at the airport on my way to Minnesota. great timing, eh? fixness tomorrow with luck)
somebody needs to remind me to post about "the car at the party" in a month or two. that's all I'll say for now.
At said party, got further confirmation of behind-back shit talking from Keith. Had been planning to wait until I was all cleared out of here to bring it up, but one of my biggest beefs with him is that he never told me that he was having a problem with what I was doing, and I realized last night that if I wait, I'll be doing exactly that. Was considering having that conversation post-shower last night but Erin showed up while I was in the shower; I was going to confront him tonight, but he's not home. I think he and Erin and Brian & Genine went on a double date - Erins Subi is here and so is Genine's Jeep.
Working out is still working out, did my third thing today. still enjoying it, think I might be starting to see a hint of something - which is not unexpected as I have always built visible muscle *very* quickly (a week kyaking on superior in early high school made an amazing visible difference. this isn't as strenuous or as large a percentage of my day as that sort of activity, but.... yeah)
Probably going to TIDFest this weekend, it's down around Gettysburg somewhere. I think I mentioned the E&K are both going to be around, so I'd strongly prefer not to be. So off I go! |
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| new news for me, not unexpected |
[Aug. 26th, 2006|05:00 pm] |
Had a fantastic night at Scottie's last night, planning on the same again tonight (good food, drinking, hanging, horsing around, movie-watching). Talked with him for a while about what the outside perspective on this little snafu situation is and found out that Keith is exactly as much of a backstabber as I thought he could possibly be. Having had a perfect read on him feels like an absolute victory, and feeling absolutely NO pressure to make ANY effort to maintain him as a friend in the short term is also a bit of a relief. And after I'm all moved out and have no further required interaction, I'm going to tell him exactly how I feel about his communication skills and choices over the last 6 months. And then probably never speak to him again.
And that will be just.fine.by.me. For the record, I'm not vindictive. but when I've been lied to, had unending amounts of shit talked about behind my back as though it was expected that it would never make it's way back to me, planned to be taken advantage of, and had no outward indication of problems from someone who takes pride in "being able to tell someone what I think about them to their face" well that just makes everything a bit "special".
I'm not going to make this friends only. I wonder if he's ever stumbled on my livejournal. not like it's hard to find...
I'm also a bit euphoric from my first real workout - stopped at the gym on my way home to shower and change; 25 minutes of cardio is all I could muster, and then I spent a bit over an hour doing arms and abs/back and stretching. If I can get into the habit, this will be amazing. |
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| the world of me |
[Aug. 23rd, 2006|09:53 pm] |
| [ | Current Location |
| | Bristol, NY | ] |
| [ | mood |
| |  hopeful | ] |
| [ | music |
| | POD - Youth of the Nation | ] |
Minnesota was nice. Strange to have two places that feel like home, I was thinking as I walked from the Rochester terminal to my car. Saw Travis for the first time since high school, that was cool.
Formally agreed to purchase the trailer today, I become trash on 9/10. Good to have the stress of choosing where I'll be living gone. Of course, as soon as I take possession it'll be replaced by the stress of finding and fixing anything that might be wrong with it. I need to go over the water system with a fine tooth comb to make sure I won't have problems this winter, and I'd also like to reskirt it since the skirting is in rough shape and is uninsulated. If I've got time and motivation leftover I'll paint the exterior too, but that can wait for next season without issue. I'm reserving making any interior plans until I see it empty.
After looking at that and going over details there, and talking with Mike the Maintenance Guy (he's a character in the truest sense of the word; I'm looking forward to being his neighbor), I went over to Erin's apartment and had tea. First time I've seen it or her since moving her in two weekends ago. The apt is looking very good, things seem totally normal between us. Think that's going to be a pretty permanent thing from now on, so things are definitely settling down at last.
On my way home from work today (which happened to be at 2130, but I took the afternoon off so it's not like I worked a long day - just a spread out day) I was thinking how much my mood has improved, how much clearer my mind is, and how much I've improved in the past two weeks. I also realized that I left my valarian root in my desk drawer, so I was looking forward to my first unassisted sleep in two weeks to see how it went.
Unfortunately it's acid test time. K&E are here instead of her apartment. They're getting in the shower now and I assume spending the night here. What lovely timing! Heh. So far the urge to kill isn't rising, but this is certainly NOT the fair test of how I'm going to sleep unaided that I was thinking about on my way home.
I'm crossing my fingers that my thoughts on the way home were accurate, and the healing is finally progressing. I'll give a lot of credit to taking time away, and to the wonderous midwest and the people and change of pace it gave me. I think (and hope) I'm right. |
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| Continued rough times in the heartland |
[Aug. 18th, 2006|10:33 pm] |
Minnesota is a darn fine place to be. Had late snacks with Alissa & Keith last night at Applebee's, spent this afternoon with Jen, going to a car show or something with dad tomorrow, and proabbly swinging by the wine shop to say hi to Travis and see Keith again, and perhaps run into Alissa and Chris if timing is good too.
My mind still wanders to unpleasant thoughts and dwells on the badness though. I was working on the Soduku out of last Sunday's Pioneer Press this afternoon while hanging with Jen, between helping her sister rearange her room, and testing her new paintball marker barell, and taking a MUCH needed nap, and was just having thoughts of "she's his now, never mine" wander through my mind :-( Annoying at best. They were simply unpleasant though, didn't really get me 'down' - I think the St. John's Wort is having an amazing effect on my attitude already. Certainly doesn't seem to be taking the expected 2 weeks to take effect.
Got home to her and Keith's away messages saying that they were going offroading this weekend, that wasn't fantastic news to me either. Just hate thinking about them being together. Can't wait to get over that since it's certainly not going to be stopping any time soon, but I'm sure that'll be the thing that takes the longest.
I haven't had any Valerian Root since yesterday sometime, noticable difference with the control of my mind's wanderings (lack thereof) and the lump-in-throat anxiety that results from those thoughts. Interesting stuff, objectively speaking - at least to me. A bit bothersome, honestly, that I'm so eager to "medicate", and take pills to "fix things" but with the effect that they have that appeal is certainly understandable. And considering these are non-habit forming, for the here-and-now at least, I'm not going to worry about it. But just plain interesting to see the effect that these herbs and roots have. |
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| A better day |
[Aug. 15th, 2006|11:17 pm] |
Went to a BBQ at a soon-to-be-leaving-town Mini Baja friend's apartment after work. Didn't go see Erin, so I won't see her for at least another week. Mixed bag, that.
Wish I could get some time to start laying foundation of friendship again with Er, but Keith was coming over straight from work and at this point she's clearly more interested in that than in me. I can't really blame her for that, I sure as shit would be too - but I'd also admit it and plainly state that the new sex and growing attachment is more important even though I still want you around. I wouldn't just say that I still want you around as a close friend, but then still always pick the alternative. Wait, I'm seeing a pattern forming here. A very familiar one. ::Resetting expectations::
the BBQ was enjoyable, bunch of people from her internship at GM - few interns, few full timers and a few of their kids and SOs, and another guy from Baja and his cousin. The two of them rode their bikes up to Rochester. FROM OHIO. Wow. 469 miles, they did it in 6 days. Have never done anything really similar - closest before was a 120 mile 2 day fundraiser ride. Pretty amazing.
I didn't get invited to the BBQ until 1720 or so, had been planning on taking advantage of my new gym membership to fill the time between that point and when Er confirmed that Keith would be going there from work. After most of the people at the BBQ left, watched an episode and a half of House which was wonderful (I love that show), BSed a bit with Patricia and Zach and his cousin, and then left for home at about 2200. gym is open until 2300 but I decided not to make it that late a night. That pretty much catches me up to writing this, skipping a few details.
Oh - and the guy with the trailer seems to have accepted my most recent offer. Going to clarify things with him, and hopefully have a place to start moving things into when I get back here.
G'night, cya from Minnestota. |
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| (no subject) |
[Aug. 15th, 2006|07:41 am] |
| [ | mood |
| | contemplative | ] |
Valerian Root worked, slept all through the night, got up when my music came on.
Extremely interesting effect that I'd like to explore: as it was taking effect, I had a lot of additional control over my mind's wanderings. I could easily shut out everything other than the "now" and could think of whatever memories I chose without following the associations that have since been added that have been plaguing me. This could be extremely helpful and pleasant.
After waking up however, it's definitely all left my system, and I had a brief hard time with the fact that Keith spent the night over there again. I need to get used to that, but "he's got her and I don't" will, I'm sure, take quite some time. The one remaining 'sigh...' that will be there, and that there's no easy way over around or through. |
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| That's a little more like it |
[Aug. 14th, 2006|08:33 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| | hopeful | ] |
It's evening, I'm home alone, I know that K & E are out together, I I feel like myself!
Valerian Root is basically an herbal sedative, I picked some up this morning, and I've taken a few throughout the day. A low dosage is said to decrease anxiety. Holy shit does it ever.
If I wasn't so excited about a near-guaranteed night of freedom I wouldn't take any and I'd see how I sleep, but I'll leave the "playing" for later. This stuff absolutely works for me. I picked up some St. John's Wort on my way home, going to see how that affects me tomorrow. Hopefully it'll leave me as even as this has, but "higher". I guess that stuff is really supposed to take a couple weeks to have a marked effect, but I've been fighting low grade depression for ages and now seems like a real good time to really try to help myself out of it.
I also joined Rochester Athletic Club tonight after work, and I'm really excited about that. It's pretty expensive, but I get a $300/year allowance from my insurance company for fitness memberships/tooth whitening/LASIC/preschool somethingorother, so I decided to use it. Anybody in the Rochester area: if you want to give it a shot, give me your name and you can get in once for free (instead of the usual $10 off-the-street price). I really think this is going to be fantastic for me.
Also, the guy with the trailer emailed me with a lower offer. Apparently it was too small for the other buyer. So do I jump or not? :eek: I'm leaning towards yes this time, mainly because I need out of here so badly for my mental well-being; I'm also more comfortable with the 7000 price, that gives me more lee room to figure other things. I'm going to wait until tomorrow afternoon to get back to the seller, I'm going to hopefully see some massaged numbers from a mortgagee broker tomorrow. As things stand, my credit is fantastic but my debt load is too high to qualify for more than 50-60k, and I don't want a hole in the wall or a severe fixer-upper. She's investigating some $ shuffling options, and maybe things will go another way.
Also talked to Erin a good bit this afternoon, and it actually made me feel better. I think we finally have an understanding that we can rebuild a healthy friendship off of, assuming I do eventually get over the obvious difficulty of her being with Keith. That's a major change (feeling better after talking) from lately, and incredibly pleasant. Everyone is calling me an idiot or a masochist or just about anything else for even trying to stay in contact, much less friends, but I'm stubborn, and I still think that we'll both be better for it in the end. That's how our whole friendship started, after all - digging one another out of a funk. And she really is special enough to deserve this extra chance. I'm glad she feels that I am too.
In any case there seems to be all sorts of light at the end of the tunnel right now though. |
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mr_mindless's journal
annoyed
